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Raw, imperfect, something on the edge between reality and fantasy. Such are my deepest memories. I’m not sure if I lived through them or if I made them up. Probably a little bit of both and then there is the rest of it. The rest is the biggest mystery. It seems like certain feelings and thoughts that are dwelling inside your head cannot even be yours. When you are looking over vast spaces and watching everything around dying because autumn is coming. New end, new begging, again. And then you wander in the middle of nowhere. No people, no cities. Without any history or any future in you. And yet, you can still feel the almost ancient calling when you smell the winter air after a year. Time passes by, you are home again. Standing in front of a mirror. It’s you again. The oldest, the most ungraspable memory of all.
I’ve tried to put my thoughts and feelings about this topic into these songs. The recording process was quite dirty. I have no experience in this field, but I’ve tried to keep it real and authentic. So, what you can hear is exactly what you would hear if you would sit next to me. One voice, one guitar, a couple of takes, take the first one with no fatal errors. As I was making these songs I kind of started to like the imperfect sound of it. In a way, it delivers the right mood. Yet, I consider these versions to be demos. Sincere thanks to Tomáš Zamec for the photos of myself. They were taken in the Filipov Valley (Filipovské údolí) at Christmas time.

Open Space


Open space
Brown leaves
Falling up your mind
Golden sun
Pouring
Your screwed heart

And in this vast land
You are reaching the sky
Praying to God
With your mouth shut
Forever silent
Forever silent

But in the end
When you’re alone
In the end
When there’s nothing to
You whisper…
Whisper for…

Someone you can tell your truths
Someone who can hide your shoes
Someone…
Someone…

You are grasping
Through the endless mist
Where there’s no point
In going further nor back
So, you just like
What the fuck…

I better lie down
Among the leaves
I better lie down
Breathe it

This openness, vastness, endlessness
This openness, vastness, endlessness (outside of me)
This openness, vastness, endlessness (in me)

And I’m tired of new endings
I’m gonna believe in something
To hold on to
To be content

Cause in each
Alone
Cause in each
Nothing to

So, you whisper…
For…

Someone you can tell your truths
Someone who can hide your shoes
Someone…
Someone…
Someone
I’m whole all alone
Yet, someone
Whole all alone
Whole all alone
Whole all alone
Whole all alone
But to stand beside someone…

October 2020

A Belief of My Own


I always got a fever when I’m leaving home
I always got a reason when I’m feeling low
Will my oceans ever change my shores?
I’m always trying to reach beyond
To touch the place where we belong
But it will take everything from me
Maybe then I will be free
Maybe then I will be

So, I pick up my bag
Full of books to be read
But what if I lose it all?
I cannot, I will not, I should not
I’ll be spending my sleepless nights
At the airport of forgotten land
Forgotten land

And I’ll be wayfarer, wayfarer
Feeling low and high again
Wayfarer, wayfarer…
To be wayfarer, wayfarer
Feeling low and high again
Wayfarer, wayfarer…

I was walking through the marshes lone
And I was scared by a creature because I scared it
We both felt that loneliness was ours
So we drifted apart in a rush
And I was left with a thought from the past
That I was lesser among the spirits of this land
Maybe one day I’ll join them
Maybe one day I’ll join

I pick up my notes
Full of poems to be closed
But what if I change it all?
I can do, I will do, I should do
I’ll be spending my joyful days
Inside the house of forgotten land
Forgotten land

Going through motions
Finding solutions
Inside a belief of my own
Holding myself
Outside the illusion of the real
Let my dream always be, always be
Closer to the truth than it used to be
Always be, always be
Closer to the truth than it used to be
Let me always be closer to the truth
Than I used to…

And I always got a fever when I’m leaving home

December 2020

Winter Air


I’ve got something on my mind
You’ve got something on yours
Let’s play fair play all day long
You hug your knees and you seek me
Hello, what you’ve been doing?
I’ve been lost all night long
But now morning’s coming with you next to me
It feels like returning

Outside the window a cold wind
Today we just stay in
We will be dwelling in passing time
But Jack is coming at 9 o’clock
We got wishes to work on
Just two more and it will be done
We fill our little cups, on the bottom we feel
The earth of Colombia where the Sun heats

Winter’s dreaming
About the air you breathe in
Winter’s dreaming
Inside the air you breathe in

Mary, what are you doing?
Don’t be afraid to come in
Sometimes even you need a shelter
Join us at the table
Pour yourself a punch
We will philosophize about our lives
Through this gibberish we come closer to truth
That does not belong to me or to you
Oh, foolish dreams that suck our souls
It’s in between where we belong

It’s time to go sleep
Mary, we wish you good rest

And as for you
I am glad
That I’ve got someone to say farewell
For tonight I wander
For tonight I’m lost again
But morning will always come

Winter’s dreaming
About the air you breathe in
Winter’s dreaming
Inside the air you breathe in

Winter’s dreaming
About the air you breathe in
Winter’s dreaming
Inside the air you breathe in

October 2020

Philia


Where is your love, and where is your philia?
Where is your love, and where is your philia?
“What do you mean? It’s here, it’s home.”
But I saw it in the woods
It was there for the past twenty years
Now, it is crawling back
In muds
Right through you
Right through you

But how are you gonna be?
With this newfound whole love burning up your soul
Your eyes
With such an amazement
When you say:
“It is now that I can give you all up
It is now I finally see you
It is now I miss you”

Miss, miss, miss
Miss a kiss
Miss, miss a kiss

How is your love, and how is your philia?
How is your love, and how is your philia?
I hope it is well, I hope it is thriving
Without suffocating
Keep your reasons cool
Please, keep your reasons cool

“But I don’t know how, I betrayed myself
But I’m gonna fight, I’m gonna try
Till my hand will shake
And I will see my love well”

But how are you gonna be?
With your: “I came to terms with myself and all”
When it means nothing
The journey endless point
Even friends cannot join

You better go for Alaska
Hug some bears
Take off your suit, fly to the moon
Save yourself
Find a home
Stop drenching your soul

“Wish I was able
Wish, wish I was able
Wish I was able”

Why is your love, and why is your philia?
“Are you fucked up in your head to ask such a question?
Are you crazy or what?
But I must admit sometimes I struggle with it too
If something comes from nothing then everything’s absurd
1+1 makes 2
Blue’s blue
What for these constructed truths?
What for these constructed truths?”

But how are you gonna be?
If you fall like angels do
“I will be torn up in the light
My bones will crackle
My blood will boil
And if I go I go with light
If I leave I leave through light
If I sing|sink I sing|sink in light
If I sing|sink I sing|sink in light
Light”

Here is your love, it bounds to your philia
Here is your love, it bounds to your philia
Here is your love, it bounds to your philia
It bounds, love, philia
Here is your love, it bounds to your philia
It bounds, love, philia
Here is your love, it bounds to your philia

February 2021
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