Everyone Wants to Be Good, Except Some

I gave you gifts instead of the deep talks I substituted a sisterhood With a teenage obsession Are you still there, sis? Or have you even ever been there? Am I still on that lonely pedestal? Or am I an insufficient bike stand? I guess I’m an insufficient bike stand on that lonely pedestal Everyone wants to be good, except some Lately, I’ve been moaning To the moon To the endless stars and beyond You should have kept me grounded I mean, you could have tried But instead, you’ve joined me To moan with me To the moon To the endless stars and beyond (and beyond) Everyone wants to be good, except some Everyone wants to be good, except some Don’t know how

July 2021

Too Precious to Dream Of

Should I dare to walk the forgotten streets of Venice? Down the channels where the doors are kept open By the setting sun To see your hair glow By the rising night To hear the old man blow The ancient stones polished With thousands hands With thousands feet We are nothing more Just this And forevermore the red wine is pouring With glass clinking the clinking sounds Dusty bookstore with books nobody ever read We buy, one, two, three, and some faded magazines By the bridges crooked By the oceans hooked To wonder the morning lights To savour your clueless fights Should I dare to lie under the grand piano? To hear your fingers through the vibrations Oh, and to think I’m not on my own Laughter encompassing, dwelling in, coming out Like tears, dwelling in, coming out Crusty bread served with breeze Touching your skin Your galleon passing mine I’m beckoning you You’re beckoning me All of this Too precious to dream of As well as you Too precious to dream of But to dream is the first step And the real is never far away

August 2021

Wise Virgin

Remember when you were just a little? You used to walk the forest The sun was flowing through your veins You sang the sweetest of lullabies The fairies traded wild berries You were their guardian in secret The mist was your safety place You spread your body throughout the lake For that was the teaching of the wise virgin Though you never knew him He was always there With his long grey hair Guiding you with an everlasting care Remember when you got older? And you were sure the wise virgin must be a contradiction? You became all realistic about life Or so you thought You waded through deep waters You suffered nights without candle lights You cried for nothing More than once You were rushing through the flea market Trying to find a mountain of gold But you never cried for something Not even once For that was the teaching of the wise virgin Though you never knew him He was always there With his long grey hair Guiding you with an everlasting care Remember when you became young again? And everything turned out to be just a long overcoming With surprising meanings Hidden under the roots of fallen trees And every black burden was just a slowdown You would rather miss altogether Not at all something to brag about You returned to the old ways You figured out why you lead yourself astray Using the wetness in your eyes As a guide And there you had it Your home For that was the teaching of the wise virgin Though you never knew him He was always there With his long grey hair Guiding you with an everlasting care Your body's overpassing the mountain lake Your lips are knowing of gentle smiles The fairies missed your guardianship much Now they're pouring out of you

Autumn 2021

Words of Revelation

Take your dictionary Go through each word Say aloud every one of them Notice what you feel Take a good notice Good notice of what you feel There will be pain, a lot Where there should be an easy There will be numbness, a lot Where there should be highs There will be darkness, a lot Where there should be lights Words of revelation Scribble them down Take one at a time Repeat and repeat Until you mend the meaning Until you mend the feeling

Autumn 2021

Moves of Revelation

Move your palms, ever so lightly Onto your ribs, awaiting Maybe a miracle will happen When you press them strong Hold And release with utter ease You are moving out of your bed Onto the wooden floor A distinctive jam vibrates Your mighty feet resonates There is something strange About the way you could shake your skin Something particular About the way you could jump to the sphere Something fascinating About the way you could twist your bones Something magnificent About the way you could be moving Move all you haven’t moved yet Those are the moves of revelation

Autumn 2021

Mysterious Smiles

If I should die right here Nothing would happen Except my mourn for my death would be gone Except my baggage desires would leave me lone Except me wishing you well would not twist Except all the hate would non exist Wondrous how non of these makes no sense When reconciled I’m facing the end I could have spared myself the bother But because it was never about arguments None could win me over But I’m curious about the depths of peace now Well, I’m doing my best So, if it would come to it And all the deeply unloved With their so-called families and friends Would pity my death Saying: “How sad that he died lone” I could raise And gave them Mysterious smiles

October 2021

How to Handle Kindness?

I remember when my life was nearing the end You turned it into a no big deal "Just go home and get some sleep" I rested upon the bed as a new-born And I watched a series or ten And I got some sleep And I started to work again How to handle kindness? I did some job, for you Yes, you were miserable at it So, what else I was supposed to do? Just some numbers, four plus five is nine What’s the big deal? The next day you gave me chocolate out of nowhere Still surprised by the smallest of acts How to handle kindness? Played your favourite Sung for the stars By the fire flaring "It’s just four basic chords and I’m not even that much of a singer" You’ve touched my elbow You’ve touched my wrist Just to thank me How to handle kindness? Give me some time I’m learning

August 2021

Rebel Against the Knowable

Your mother gave you the knowable Your father taught you the knowable People are gathering round And from their smallest of cages They are offering you insights Into the knowable Ou, wau, wait What is this knowable? Is it a ball? Can I throw it? Can I play it? I’ve thought we were supposed to be beings I’ve thought we were supposed to be enough Best enough the moment we were born Let’s go to Luna Park Among the common I’ve seen her wearing a steampunk goggles Yep, there she is Rolling the rollercoaster at the highest of speeds Spinning the helter skelter in a blanket sheet Let’s join her Put on your frivolous hat Scream at the top of the Ferris wheel Touch him in a new fancy way Rebel against the knowable

September 2021

Nothing’s Just for Show

The more makeup you wear The more you hurting The more gossiping you take The less you standing The more you compare people The more you miss them The more sex jokes you make The more distant you are From making love Cause nothing’s just for show Take a leave to the branches Hang a painting on the wall Accept the pain you were given Do not block the tears of joy Caress yourself in a gentle way Do not think for a minute Share the burdens with your peers Do not rely on the signals Touch the wounds with your hands They are bleeding Do you see? Ripped apart As they heal to scars Take a sip of coffee Multiply two numbers Cause nothing’s just for show And your body keeps the score

September 2021

Blackness

Whenever I lost it, I lost it If I ever had something to lose at all I remember only the blackness In fact, I remember it so long That I don’t remember most of it But my body does, I’m sure it does Cause it was forced to deny my mind Cause it was forced to desert my soul More often than not So the wholeness was disrupted The wholeness was never realized Honestly, I was never intertwined Blackness was hard to deal Blackness was hard to see Especially for a child like me Blackness was she Her devious body was surrounding me She was sucking the blood out of my lips Her eyes were tearing my poems apart She was disregarding my thoughtful plan Still, I thought blackness was never my company I thought she was nothing to me But I never paid attention to my senses Instead, I sold them for blacknesses fakeish smiles After all, she was the funny one To everyone around With her molested naked spine Feasting on the collective mind Whenever I'll find it, I'll find it Your joyous body will surround me I’ll rejoice I’ll be found I’ll be intertwined

Autumn 2021

Breaking Towards Myself

Oh, greyness I’ve always thought you were the end Oh, but greyness Sweet greyness You’ve always been just the beginning And what is to be healthy If not wanting to be And what is to be sick If not giving up on wanting After another sleepless night I’m coming out of the cave I’m sniffing balcony flowers I’m welcoming the birds Hello birds! The morning sun is elevating The cold summer air is dazzling Have I been? Am I now? To be the end to oneself Hello birds! Have I opened the gates? All my guts feelings Always right Have the flood come pouring inside? Parallels I see all Am I taking antidepressants out of happiness? Yes, I’m Yes, I’m (finally) Cause you can die out of happiness too Better to be calm To arrive at the harbors of stillness To pause in repose To dwell well To tranquil My galleon In preparation We are setting In years to live

September 2021