Everyone Wants to Be Good, Except Some


I gave you gifts instead of the deep talks
I substituted a sisterhood
With a teenage obsession
Are you still there, sis?
Or have you even ever been there?
Am I still on that lonely pedestal?
Or am I an insufficient bike stand?
I guess I’m an insufficient bike stand on that lonely pedestal
Everyone wants to be good, except some

Lately, I’ve been moaning
To the moon
To the endless stars and beyond
You should have kept me grounded
I mean, you could have tried
But instead, you’ve joined me
To moan with me
To the moon
To the endless stars and beyond (and beyond)
Everyone wants to be good, except some

Everyone wants to be good, except some
Don’t know how

July 2021
Being good is hard work. Sometimes when we forget to do the hard work, we end up acting naively good.

Too Precious to Dream Of


Should I dare to walk the forgotten streets of Venice?
Down the channels where the doors are kept open
By the setting sun
To see your hair glow
By the rising night
To hear the old man blow
The ancient stones polished
With thousands hands
With thousands feet
We are nothing more
Just this
And forevermore the red wine is pouring
With glass clinking the clinking sounds
Dusty bookstore with books nobody ever read
We buy, one, two, three, and some faded magazines
By the bridges crooked
By the oceans hooked
To wonder the morning lights
To savour your clueless fights

Should I dare to lie under the grand piano?
To hear your fingers through the vibrations
Oh, and to think I’m not on my own
Laughter encompassing, dwelling in, coming out
Like tears, dwelling in, coming out
Crusty bread served with breeze
Touching your skin
Your galleon passing mine
I’m beckoning you
You’re beckoning me

All of this
Too precious to dream of
As well as you
Too precious to dream of

But to dream is the first step
And the real is never far away

August 2021
Your biggest dreams might not be that big if you dare to dream them. So do not be scared of dreaming big, because you may find that your deepest dream is a simple thing.

Wise Virgin


Remember when you were just a little?
You used to walk the forest
The sun was flowing through your veins
You sang the sweetest of lullabies
The fairies traded wild berries
You were their guardian in secret
The mist was your safety place
You spread your body throughout the lake

For that was the teaching of the wise virgin
Though you never knew him
He was always there
With his long grey hair
Guiding you with an everlasting care

Remember when you got older?
And you were sure the wise virgin must be a contradiction?
You became all realistic about life
Or so you thought
You waded through deep waters
You suffered nights without candle lights
You cried for nothing
More than once
You were rushing through the flea market
Trying to find a mountain of gold
But you never cried for something
Not even once

For that was the teaching of the wise virgin
Though you never knew him
He was always there
With his long grey hair
Guiding you with an everlasting care

Remember when you became young again?
And everything turned out to be just a long overcoming
With surprising meanings
Hidden under the roots of fallen trees
And every black burden was just a slowdown
You would rather miss altogether
Not at all something to brag about
You returned to the old ways
You figured out why you lead yourself astray
Using the wetness in your eyes
As a guide
And there you had it
Your home

For that was the teaching of the wise virgin
Though you never knew him
He was always there
With his long grey hair
Guiding you with an everlasting care

Your body's overpassing the mountain lake
Your lips are knowing of gentle smiles
The fairies missed your guardianship much
Now they're pouring out of you

Autumn 2021
In this poem, the virgin refers to a good (as opposed to evil) essence. An essence that hasn't been through the darkness, yet can instinctively recognize it because of the very fact. I believe we all carry this essence somewhere inside. No matter what we've been through.

Words of Revelation


Take your dictionary
Go through each word
Say aloud every one of them
Notice what you feel
Take a good notice
Good notice of what you feel

There will be pain, a lot
Where there should be an easy
There will be numbness, a lot
Where there should be highs
There will be darkness, a lot
Where there should be lights

Words of revelation
Scribble them down
Take one at a time
Repeat and repeat
Until you mend the meaning
Until you mend the feeling

Autumn 2021
There are words that can block out your whole being. Your deeper self is surely trying to comunicate. Listen.

Moves of Revelation


Move your palms, ever so lightly
Onto your ribs, awaiting
Maybe a miracle will happen
When you press them strong
Hold
And release with utter ease

You are moving out of your bed
Onto the wooden floor
A distinctive jam vibrates
Your mighty feet resonates
There is something strange
About the way you could shake your skin
Something particular
About the way you could jump to the sphere
Something fascinating
About the way you could twist your bones
Something magnificent
About the way you could be moving

Move all you haven’t moved yet
Those are the moves of revelation

Autumn 2021
This poem could be also named Touches Of Revelation. But for touch is a movement with interaction, I choose Moves Of Revelation. But surely touch all you haven't toched yet, for those are the touches of revelation.

Mysterious Smiles


If I should die right here
Nothing would happen

Except my mourn for my death would be gone
Except my baggage desires would leave me lone
Except me wishing you well would not twist
Except all the hate would non exist

Wondrous how non of these makes no sense
When reconciled I’m facing the end
I could have spared myself the bother
But because it was never about arguments
None could win me over

But I’m curious about the depths of peace now
Well, I’m doing my best
So, if it would come to it
And all the deeply unloved
With their so-called families and friends
Would pity my death
Saying: “How sad that he died lone”
I could raise
And gave them
Mysterious smiles

October 2021
If there is something irritating it must be the pity of pitiful people. For some reason I always laugh at the end of this one.

How to Handle Kindness?


I remember when my life was nearing the end
You turned it into a no big deal
"Just go home and get some sleep"
I rested upon the bed as a new-born
And I watched a series or ten
And I got some sleep
And I started to work again
How to handle kindness?

I did some job, for you
Yes, you were miserable at it
So, what else I was supposed to do?
Just some numbers, four plus five is nine
What’s the big deal?
The next day you gave me chocolate out of nowhere
Still surprised by the smallest of acts
How to handle kindness?

Played your favourite
Sung for the stars
By the fire flaring
"It’s just four basic chords and I’m not even that much of a singer"
You’ve touched my elbow
You’ve touched my wrist
Just to thank me
How to handle kindness?

Give me some time
I’m learning

August 2021
While I was writing Relevate, I was (and still am) exploring kindness and vulnerability. It is amazing how much strength can be found in seemingly opposing qualities.

Rebel Against the Knowable


Your mother gave you the knowable
Your father taught you the knowable
People are gathering round
And from their smallest of cages
They are offering you insights
Into the knowable

Ou, wau, wait
What is this knowable?
Is it a ball?
Can I throw it?
Can I play it?
I’ve thought we were supposed to be beings
I’ve thought we were supposed to be enough
Best enough the moment we were born

Let’s go to Luna Park
Among the common
I’ve seen her wearing a steampunk goggles
Yep, there she is
Rolling the rollercoaster at the highest of speeds
Spinning the helter skelter in a blanket sheet
Let’s join her
Put on your frivolous hat
Scream at the top of the Ferris wheel
Touch him in a new fancy way
Rebel against the knowable

September 2021
Inspired by the video clip to Adrianne Lenker's Symbol. While watching the video, I was struck by the idea that there are infinite possible ways to live that haven't been experienced yet.

Nothing’s Just for Show


The more makeup you wear
The more you hurting
The more gossiping you take
The less you standing
The more you compare people
The more you miss them
The more sex jokes you make
The more distant you are
From making love
Cause nothing’s just for show

Take a leave to the branches
Hang a painting on the wall
Accept the pain you were given
Do not block the tears of joy
Caress yourself in a gentle way
Do not think for a minute
Share the burdens with your peers
Do not rely on the signals
Touch the wounds with your hands
They are bleeding
Do you see?
Ripped apart
As they heal to scars
Take a sip of coffee
Multiply two numbers
Cause nothing’s just for show
And your body keeps the score

September 2021
Inspired by an amazing book Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Our bodies remember everything we've been through. There is nothing that goes unnoticed.

Blackness


Whenever I lost it, I lost it
If I ever had something to lose at all
I remember only the blackness
In fact, I remember it so long
That I don’t remember most of it
But my body does, I’m sure it does
Cause it was forced to deny my mind
Cause it was forced to desert my soul
More often than not
So the wholeness was disrupted
The wholeness was never realized
Honestly, I was never intertwined

Blackness was hard to deal
Blackness was hard to see
Especially for a child like me
Blackness was she
Her devious body was surrounding me
She was sucking the blood out of my lips
Her eyes were tearing my poems apart
She was disregarding my thoughtful plan

Still, I thought blackness was never my company
I thought she was nothing to me
But I never paid attention to my senses
Instead, I sold them for blacknesses fakeish smiles
After all, she was the funny one
To everyone around
With her molested naked spine
Feasting on the collective mind

Whenever I'll find it, I'll find it
Your joyous body will surround me
I’ll rejoice
I’ll be found
I’ll be intertwined

Autumn 2021

Breaking Towards Myself


Oh, greyness
I’ve always thought you were the end
Oh, but greyness
Sweet greyness
You’ve always been just the beginning

And what is to be healthy
If not wanting to be
And what is to be sick
If not giving up on wanting

After another sleepless night
I’m coming out of the cave
I’m sniffing balcony flowers
I’m welcoming the birds
Hello birds!

The morning sun is elevating
The cold summer air is dazzling
Have I been?
Am I now?
To be the end to oneself
Hello birds!

Have I opened the gates?
All my guts feelings
Always right
Have the flood come pouring inside?
Parallels
I see all
Am I taking antidepressants out of happiness?
Yes, I’m
Yes, I’m (finally)
Cause you can die out of happiness too

Better to be calm
To arrive at the harbors of stillness
To pause in repose
To dwell well
To tranquil

My galleon
In preparation
We are setting
In years to live

September 2021
Moments of bliss are scarce. But when you feel them, you are fully content in the moment. The thought of death, the thought of the life lived, the thought of the life to be lived. All leave you untouched. All leave you in peace.
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